Crucible to Cleanse [Finn]

[Raithen]

Such a welcome was well known to the Dux, but hearing it spoken in sincerity was new. Even for those who were pleased by his presence in their homes, sincerity was not a common trait among those who he officially associated with. Hilana welcomed him into whatever home she currently occupied with equal genuine pleasure, but was not so formal.

The direct mention of the connection that fate had formed between them was unexpected. It had not been spoken of since it had caused such irritation to their lover and brother, but was not at all unwelcome to Raithen, who leaned forward unconsciously, trailing already damp feathers into the steaming water. When he realized the point of what Finn was trying to tell him, he frowned in confusion. The why of this lack of examination, he was on the cusp of inquiring after when his desire was granted, pushing the question away for later.

That he could feel Finn's entrance into his consciousness surprised the Avialae more than anything else that had happened in the conversation. Using Mesmer without anyone being aware was considered the height of skill, and Finn was known to be masterful. It must be intentional and, realizing that, it suddenly felt intimate. Only semiconscious of doing so, Raithen scooted closer, till his wing, if not his person, was close enough to wrap around the human. It did not wrap around, as he was still attempting to keep it as much outside the pool as possible, but the idea was there.

"You were doing your duty." The only lines of duty that Raithen stood high on were those of servi assigned to him. At the probing, he tried to look back at his life directly before he'd left. It was not a common thing for him, to attempt to attach meaning to specific events within himself.

"Much has happened. I accompanied Hilana on quests from the Twins, I accompanied you to find the students for Them." Neither of these were particularly recent, but they seemed the largest in terms of importance. A lot of Raithen's life was sort of a blur of similar activities, mostly pleasurable or intended to be. The constant learning that had been the tone of the majority of his life was beginning to slip away.

"I suppose I have come to the end of a lot of my training," Personal and prescribed, "Maybe I missed pushing myself."

Opening himself to the gentle intrusion was easy with Finn and he let the things he had been experiencing and feeling spread themselves out to be examined. He had been feeling the lack of progress as he reached the peak of several of his studies close together. He had also been feeling the lessening of several of the connections he appreciated most. Finn, his mother, the Leukos twins, all important and special to him, had been slowing pulled away from him. That he might have, likely should have, been proactively reaching out to strengthen any of them just didn't seem to be something his mind prompted. Remaining in waiting, accepting what was offered with need but not reaching for more seemed to be his status quo, what was expected of him.

[Finn]

It was intimate to slip openly into someone's music, and the closest thing to this that they had shared was their misadventure in the Ætherium. At that point, though, they had been as boys; now, back in their bodies, they were men. Finn listened, nodding along, as some of those experiences were overlapping.

"I was so happy that night by the fire, listening to you and Arry share stories. It felt like you were reaching out to each other, building upon the blood you share. I don't know if it was the setting or my presence; if I had anything to do with it, I would happily play accompaniment while you bond.

The resonances that came up with Hilana seemed healthy to him. He was glad they had each other in whatever capacity. The equestrian upbringing was far more affluent than his own had been, but her family dynamics made more sense to him, and perhaps Raithen had learned a thing or two from her—other than fun new sexual positions, although that was healthy, too.

"A poet once said, 'the only constant in life is change.'" He smiled wryly. "And you aren't the only one uncomfortable when he can't define himself. I was preparing myself to be a legatus, and then they surprised me with the dux as well. I'm trying to understand that while abroad, which is a challenge. Did the desert answer your question?"

For his part, he let his feelings for Raithen emanate from within. It was akin to how he felt about Ciarán and Morgaine, though he had not grown up with him. Things might have been better if they had, and he wondered if he shouldn't drag Raithen out to the Citadel and its neighboring village to visit them from time to time.

The feeling, played directly into his own symphony, ought to at least give him an emotional anchor for the time being.

[Raithen]

Raithen's younger brother was a complicated topic. He had been thrilled at learning that he had another brother, and hopeful. Their relationship had gotten off to a rocky start, and then it had fallen off a cliff. Despite the shared blood in their veins, they had been raised so differently as to make communications between them, initially, all but impossible. Nothing Raithen had done had hit the way it would have to a native raised in Solunarium, and wherever Arry was initially from, their customs seemed very different. The offer to become physically intimate that had been initially only directed towards the fellow golden half-elf had been a disaster, and redirecting them to Finn after their trip to the Ætherium had been even worse.

Raithen had been set so far on the back foot that this new brother had been intent on killing him for a time. Since, he had tried to start over in the times they had been forced together by Divine Will, and that seemed to be going better. It still felt like he should speak to Finn only when spoken to if Arry was around, but at least Raithen was beginning to learn the set of rules that would allow for harmony, and possibly more. Not the sort of more that he saw in other families, but the sort of more that he was allowed in his own, which shouldn't have been as unexpected as it had been.

He smiled at the recollection that they were of a rank now, only saying, quietly so as not to interrupt,

"Two ducks in a pool." Before considering the question. "I don't know. It showed me things, taught me things. Maybe I just don't understand the question I was asking."

A quick laugh at his own expense followed, then. Trying to remain in humor but slipping into doubt, he continued.

"Sometimes I think I'm just not made to understand anything. I know so much, but other people seem to fit information together like a puzzle. I never was very good at puzzles. The only things that fit like that for me are physical things, even my magic feels like aether flowing through my body with little or no input from my thoughts."

It felt good to be close to Finn, to know that he was inside his emotions, but he wished the man would soothe him with his abilities as another might have. Taking away his doubt and worry and the pain that hid behind them so he could just be happy. It must be another of the oddities of having been raised elsewhere. Asking felt like it might offend, or be too needy. Finn was not responsible for Raithen's emotions, as much as the Avialae wished he somehow could be.

[Finn]

Finn grinned at the joke, and at the first admission. He could feel the complicated emotions, and he tried to answer them in kind. While he would not subtly change how Raithen felt, he spoke to him emotionally, clearly so it didn't take a genius of emotional intelligence to understand—not that Finn was a genius of emotional intelligence.

His heart beat within Raithen's chest, offering a metronome by which to maintain his calm rather than forcing a rhythm.

He took responsibility for Arvælyn's feelings, whether or not it was right, at least where Finn himself was concerned. He would ensure that he didn't come between the brothers, and encouraged Raithen to build whatever bridges he could. There was even a trilling melody that might have triggered an image of the two flying through the Zonam Mysterium, and then flying through the skies above the Luxium—an activity they could share that had nothing at all to do with Finn.

Answering Raithen's unspoken desire, at least in his own way, Finn didn't change emotions, didn't erase cognitive dissonance, but he soothed it. While it was still there, he afforded Raithen some emotional distance from it so he could examine it more dispassionately, more objectively, or just take the temporary reprieve to relax in the hot mineral waters.

"You aren't alone in that," he said, finally using his words when Raithen's were, for the moment, spent. "We all have questions. Actually framing them, articulating them, is half the battle, or more than half. But I think that's why people go on walkabout, really... Either they have a question so big that they need the lack of human... err... elven...? interaction distracting them. They need to focus on survival and letting their mind turn the problem over in the background. The big questions, or the questions they are trying to figure out how to ask."

For a moment, he almost offered a literary allusion, but wasn't sure it would help.

Instead, "A little physical wandering until we aren't mentally, emotionally lost. Everyone has questions. Even your mother, I think, although hers might be more focused than ours." He laughed a little, wondering if she would somehow pull another upset and sit her own ass on the Luxian throne. She had certainly ushered in enough change otherwise.

He sighed, his smile diminishing a little.

"I think you have been told what to think and what to feel since you were small, and so your skills in that regard are somewhat immature. There's a part of you that wants me to edit your symphony to fix whatever is bothering you rather than to figure out the problem and address it."

Finn said it carefully, with nary a note of judgment in his voice or in the silent song of his that inhabited Raithen.

[Raithen]

At last, the confusion and other, less easily defined, unwanted emotions began to fade. They did not dissipate, as he was used to with powerful Mesmer mages, but they at least felt further away and Finn was closer. It was like the man was shielding him rather than simply erasing the negative and replacing it with simpler, more comfortable emotions.

Listening to Finn's voice was soothing, even if Raithen didn't know if he had a question, big or otherwise. Self discovery of the sort is seemed like they were discussing had not been encouraged in his youth, or after. Raithen simply was what he was, which was what the Gods had made him and his family had nurtured him into. It felt like he was a static creature, formed and finished and now to remain as he was. That had never bothered him, at least, he didn't think it had. He liked who and what he was, for the most part. A decided lack of ambition had been the reason he had not received the emblem that Finn had. Raithen was suited for serving his family in the art of war, gathering information, and seeing to his own pleasure and needs outside of that. This he had been content with, often happy with, until...

Until what? Maybe that was the question he was looking for; what had changed? A brother had come into his life, and Finn with him, but that had not altered his contentment other than in poignant little moments of longing. His mother had gifted him to Holy Avaerys, but that, if anything, had cemented both Raithen's sense of self and his acceptance of it. The major events of the past several years had not triggered what he was feeling.

There was a tone to Finn's voice when he said that Raithen had been told what to think and feel that implied something. Not criticism of either Raithen or those who had instructed him, but... something. More that he couldn't understand. The frustration began to rise again but then the conversation turned and his expression became almost comically puppy dog like.

"I was hoping that you might... At home, someone would, or I would seek out those who know how to ignite my pleasure and the other feelings would fade." Physical pleasure was still an option, but he knew no one in Ecith except Finn and Arky and both came with situations that would not allow the sort of release he craved.

"Is that how it is, in Kalzasi? Everyone struggling alone to sort out their thoughts and emotions? Even as children?"

[Finn]

"Arry's arrival certainly was a catalyst for change, though," he said, answering some of the things Raithen didn't say aloud. "You were so open, so welcoming, and he didn't handle it well. I don't think you did anything wrong; it was just an enormous change for him, as well, and he needed time. And, well, we didn't know just how tightly he would hold onto me. He was part of some huge revelations for you and for your family. Did you imagine five years ago that your mother would have birthed a child to the Crownwyrm? All of your family dynamics shifted even as the dynamics of Solunarian politics were radically altered.

"Some people argue that people don't change, while others argue just as vehemently that they do. Whether you have changed, your circumstances have."

He considered.

"You know I can't give you everything I might. I do not wish to hurt my husband. But while you are Re'hyæan, you are also Avialæ, and your race was constructed with a need for partnership. That was a defense against the psychic threat of the Hellmaw. So reaching out to Arry and him not reaching back... Reaching out to me and then me not being able to reach back in good faith... Your need for partnership has been stymied on several sides.

"You can sleep in my bed, if you like. I can't give you sex, but I can envelop you in safety while you sleep. Although—"

He glanced toward the doors and an image of Arkænyn bloomed in Raithen's mind. Finn smirked.

"I am sure there are other beds that will offer you more than I can. But to answer your question... there was little in the way of magic in my house growing up. Mother is a blacksmith, not a runeforger. Father knew a bit more about herbs and such because his mother was... well, a witch." There was a flicker of curiosity there that Finn shared. He really didn't know if she had born runes or knew magical disciplines or just chose to be strange and live on the fringes of the village.

"I was bequeathed Command in a roundabout fashion. My grandmother bade me take a letter to a wizard in the Circle of Spells, who was, I would later find out, my grandfather. He gave me the Rune. He taught me." Finn shrugged. "I was always careful with it, though. I was a nobody, so it would have been too easy to overdo it, to unduly influence people who had always been entitled to more than me. I think my mother was disappointed I didn't follow in her footsteps, but she and my father supported me following my passion to the city with lute in hand."

Finn cocked his head.

"But I was no dux then."